Hey JOE HOLLYWOOD!

By Charley April 19, 2004 2:20 PM

Hey JOE HOLLYWOOD! ?(Advice celebrities didn?t even know they needed)

Hey Sam Raimi: ?Spider-man plus zombies equals the best movie ever.

Hey Tyrannosaur: ?You need a new agent. ?You were the star of the Jurassic Park movies and then you have had nothing but crap (i.e. your starring role in The Banger Sisters ). ?Dinosaurs are severely under-represented in Hollywood.

Hey Governor Arnold: ?Geet out of poll-ee-tics! ?Geet back ta thee stoo-dee-os!

Hey aspiring filmmakers: ?Not going so well, huh? ?Maybe you should make movies that are darker and more artsy. ?Or, better still, movies that are quirky, with more interesting characters. ?Or, better still, you should become a lawyer like your parents wanted.

Hey producers: ?Strapped for ideas? ?Need a high-concept celebrity threesome? ?Jason Lee, Jason Scott Lee, and Jennifer Jason Leigh have, surprisingly, never appeared in a movie together. ?I?ll be first in line.

Hey George Lucas: ?Your new movies could be better with the simple addition of a few characters. ?"Senator Subtlety" could assume that people watching were sober and spoke English. ?"Captain Climax" might do something exciting somewhere in the movie?maybe near the end? ?And, from now on, "Darth Dumbass" should be forbidden to work on the script.

Hey Johnny Depp: ?Don?t you think it?s about time you stop turning my girlfriend on? ?I mean, jeez.

| comments: 12

Reader Discussions:

Post YOUR opinion too!

html   reply

Posted by Charley (charley@dtheatre.com) on April 19, 2004 2:31 PM

Someone needs to learn to code for spacing.


How about that?

RE: html   reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on April 19, 2004 4:56 PM

fixed.

wa-ha!

advice   reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on April 20, 2004 1:23 PM

This was mildly entertaining, but I expected more.  YOU CAN DO IT!!

hey joe hollywood   reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on April 20, 2004 3:52 PM

what the fuck? i'm not so sure i get it.

RE: hey joe hollywood   reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on April 20, 2004 11:53 PM

YEAH!  Maybe next time they can include instructions for those of us without a sense of irony.

RE: Hey Joe Hollywood   reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on April 21, 2004 6:26 AM

You mean Americans?

Regarding Johnny Depp   reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on April 21, 2004 11:24 AM

I get it. Your girlfriend's right on. Johnny is FINE!

Are these people serious?   reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on April 21, 2004 12:45 PM

How can these fools not get it?  I think it's great and funny.

Johnny is just so sexy.   reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on April 22, 2004 5:57 AM

Johnny rocks! Woooooo!!! He's so damn sexy!!! Oh sorry, wrong topic.

Hey Random Jackass   reply

Posted by Jack (jack@dtheatre.com) on April 22, 2004 9:19 AM

Hey Random Shemp: see if you can submit something half as interesting or entertaining. I might post it!

Hey Joe!   reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on April 23, 2004 4:59 PM

You are hilarious!

RE: Hey Random Jackass   reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on April 23, 2004 6:36 PM

BURN!!!!!!!!