First Tomb Raider 2 Script Review

By Jack June 27, 2002 10:04 AM

Here's another script review, this time for Tomb Raider 2: Lara Croft and the Cradle of Life by Patrick from Coming Attractions. Check it out and other Tomb Raider 2 news.

Reader Discussions:

Post YOUR opinion too!

Where's Original Shemp? reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on June 27, 2002 11:40 AM

Look OS, nothing in this thread at all.

You want to talk shop then go on ahead.

Put up or shut up, dipsh!t!

RE: Where's Original Shemp? reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on June 28, 2002 8:44 PM

Alright, I thought the first one was awesome except for the touchy feely crap. I'm glad to see that this has some promise of what the franchise should bring to us...kick ass action from start to finish.

What do you think sweetie?

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 1, 2002 7:14 AM

Well, do ma bidding beeotch! OS actually stepped up. Can't do it at work but can do it here in Cyberspace. Amazing!!! Truly Amazing, Johhny!

All I have to say about Tombraider is what kind of lame resources would an organization like the Illuminati have in order to hire mercs who can't even shoot a size 5 bouncing around on a rubberband in an enclosed space ten feet away from them.

I just don't see a sequel doing any better with the source material already out there in the video game. And Jan De Bont is waaaayyyyy overated. Speed and Twister? Please. Typical Hollywood screw-up.

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 1, 2002 10:55 AM

...and Cradle of Life sounds like some chinzy-ass Celine Dion type sh*t-tune. Work it fellas, work it.

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 1, 2002 8:30 PM

Let's see, you're actually talking about movies instead of playing "What's in Skullfire's a$$" so methinks you're doing my bidding...but nice try.

The jolly jumper thing was reasonably cool but no matter how well financed they are, all bad guys are terrible shots. I think this could be a decent series, if they don't get too serious about themselves.

And don't even think about mentioning that bitch Celine and Tomb Raider in the same breath. It's bad enough she's going to ruin Las Vegas by moving there...not DTheatre too!

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 1, 2002 8:32 PM

Oh and what's the deal with the work thing? Did I miss something or is this what you do all day in between reading Star Trek scripts?

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by Skullfire (hulacete@ubbi.com) on July 1, 2002 10:10 PM

Frankly, it feels better without the shemps trying to get in my ass :)

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 2, 2002 9:34 AM

Your bidding eh, OS?

Well, whatever helps you swallow my "sweet" jizz juice. Thanks for noticing though, except for the sheer fact that it took me to post on topic first to get you numbf*cks to participate in a constructive way on this f*cked-up site. Especially you, OS.

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 2, 2002 6:15 PM

You are really gonna bust an arm patting yourself on the back...

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 3, 2002 9:50 AM

Maybe,OS. But at least I have a reason to be proud. Your parents sure don't.

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 3, 2002 10:49 AM

Golly Mr. Trump...you sure got me there.

I thought we were talking about movies so nicely? You wanna push someone around, wait for Skullfire to post.

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 3, 2002 12:25 PM

If that's the best you have, you've actually succeeded where skullflamer's failed:

Making him look smart.

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 3, 2002 2:15 PM

Hey, that was good. I think I might cry.

Are you finished?

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 3, 2002 3:28 PM

Cry if you like, OS. Ask your parents advice about how they handle crying in shame all the time.

If this is the best you've got, then I'd say you are the one who is finished. You are dismissed.

Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by Skullfire (hulacete@ubbi.com) on July 3, 2002 6:14 PM

Stoopid Shemp: making you, his enemy.

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 3, 2002 6:44 PM

Blah blah blah blah...

Don't waste my time with this crap. If you've got something original, let's hear it. Otherwise go make more "How many dicks does it take to fill Skullflamers a$$" jokes.

At least that amused me.

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 3, 2002 6:46 PM

I can't believe you're sucking up to him now.

He's been stomping you like a narc at a biker rally for months and now you see an opening and you jump in d!ck-first...

Grow a frickin spine!!

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by Moose (moose@dtheatre.com) on July 5, 2002 3:53 AM

"Stomping you like a narc at a biker rally."

Now that WAS funny!

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 5, 2002 9:29 AM

You mean more "oringinal" than your nick, OS. Listen to the pot call the kettle black. "Blah, blah, blah" Amazingly sharp! So like your pointy head.

Skullflamer, you're as turncoat as your nazi ancestors. If your trying to hit on me, I'm not interested. Go fine a gay ghetto geisha and get a handjob from him until mooser's visit in September.

And mooser, stoopid mooser, shouldn't you be posting as a random shemp? Your heroes! Groveling for peanuts as usual. You've got this thing about salty nuts don't you?

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 5, 2002 9:45 AM

WHAT? That doesn't even make sense. You haven't even figured out how to sign on yet junior, so I think my nick is more original than yours.

Come on, I expect better than this from you...now you're just disappointing us.

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by Moose (moose@dtheatre.com) on July 5, 2002 10:07 AM

Huh? You're beginning to sound a bit paranoid stoopidshemp. .............and pray tell, .........how many shemps do you THINK I am?

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 5, 2002 1:18 PM

Since I can still see your IP, mooser...you tell me, wannabe.

As for "how many?" Probably all of them since they are as stoopid as you.

And if you need every thing spelled out for you OS, perhaps you should find some other hobby that allows you to eat sh*t with a big spoon and big, bright grin on your sloppy face.

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 5, 2002 2:20 PM

OK, spell it out for me junior...are you Keyser Soze??

Hey, you talk about sh*t alot, do you have some kinda fetish or something? Is that why you are secretly in love with Skully?

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 5, 2002 2:26 PM

Y-O-U space A-R-E space A-N space I-D-I-O-T exclamation point !

Good enough? I just recognize sh*t when I see it. And you're full of it, OS.

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 5, 2002 3:04 PM

What?

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 5, 2002 6:00 PM

Ha ha, That's great! You are such a fool, OS. Goddamn, that's the funniest thing you've ever done here.

RE: Best effort to end up alone. reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 5, 2002 9:28 PM

Well one of us has to be funny and it clearly isn't you Slapnuts.

End up alone? Stoopid Shemp knows all about that! reply

Posted by Moose (moose@dtheatre.com) on July 7, 2002 8:38 AM

Yawn, you make this so easy Junior! Seeing my IP doesn't mean sh!t you stupid dork. I connect through a hub with a multitude of other users. Any one of them can post here and their tag would show up the same. That this never occured to you is, for me, not so strange. You are, and always will be, one of the stupidest people I have ever encountered on the web. Yes, you try so very hard to make clever comments, but again and again you get your butt kicked. Watching you get creamed by OS is just pathetic. You are even to stupid to realise how dumb you look to the other visitors on this site.

OK. I'm in a good mood today so here's some advice. Go and ask your Mommy for some money and pay a biker to kick your a$$. Maybe this will satisfy your need to get your a$$ kicked better than DT can.

Advice ends. You are now dismissed!

Word!! reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 7, 2002 11:57 AM

Now THAT is actually worth cutting and pasting.

You might wanna save that one Junior. You could use it on that I'm-a-dick.com site that you subscribe to.

RE: Word!! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 8, 2002 9:55 AM

I know where you live mooser. It doesn't matter where you sign on. Your ignorance shines through as a shemp or a nick.

Talk about original, OS? He just used everything I used on you in all of my other posts here. Sucker! Cut & paste is right. Fall right over. TIMBER!!!!
Ha ha, dumbass!

mooser you like to sit on the sidelines and complain. Just like you did in high school you fat tub of sh*t. Get a grip.

See skullflamer anywhere? You want to talk about an asskicking? I've made this site my own. None of you dare make a post without thinking of me first. Truth hurts don't it, f*ckwad. He'll be back and you'll keep whining like a six cylinder Ford. Take some initiative and contribute you pussy.

You've got it all backwards, mooser and I love it when you f*ck it up. Keep score if you like. I'll be there to beat you back into the hole from whence you came everytime.

RE: Word!! reply

Posted by Moose (moose@dtheatre.com) on July 8, 2002 1:34 PM

*Distant sound*

OK, where do I live? Here? Duuuh, you can't live in cyberspace, how ever much YOU try! One word to discribe your posts..... SAD!

Get a life you dork! *Yawn!* (Didn't I dismiss you?).

RE: Word!! reply

Posted by Skullfire (hulacete@ubbi.com) on July 8, 2002 2:25 PM

Did you know why I left? Because, unlike you, I could survive without coming here to being asskicked.
Your stupidity was too much to me (here you can reply: and my cack too). Keep up the good work, you'll end up alone; but you're used to that, it's kinda like masturbation for you.

See ya! I have better things to do, like a life for myself. Do you know what's that?

Of course you do.

RE: Word!! reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 8, 2002 8:34 PM

One for me...and two for my homies.

RE: Word!! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 9, 2002 10:32 AM

You're definately putting your eggs in the wrong basket with these homies, OS. Practice a little solidarity punk. One of your homies just submitted to the truth and folded and the other one posts *sigh* like a girl every other day.

If this is your kind of employee,OS then you work alone in the garage crafting kiddie porn or somehthing equally devious.

Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 9, 2002 10:56 AM

Yeah, I'll give you that one...I regretted it as soon as I posted it. I must have gotten caught up in the moment of Moose and Squirrel-Fire banding together to dish it out. You have to admit, it was one of their better efforts.

They do tend to fold like cheap lawn chairs with an alarming frequency.

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by Moose (moose@dtheatre.com) on July 9, 2002 11:26 AM

Point of fact! Not folding. Working. (Some of us do, you know).

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 9, 2002 1:16 PM

I'm beginning to like you, OS. You recognize the weak as well as the strong and that must be what makes you a success in business--I guess. Ass-kissing session is now done. Don't tread on me.

I find it terrifically entertaining that between these two monstrosities of human offal that neither has had the abiltiy to stump me even once.

Notice in mooser last post: the obvious whiny quality in the post, the puerile justification and the overly simplistic use of grammar. Not to mention used incorrectly.

Point of fact, Mooser? You are retard. Simple enough for you, doughboy.

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by Moose (moose@dtheatre.com) on July 9, 2002 2:17 PM

Run OS! The ass slurping has started! (Sounds like you just got a new bitch).

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 9, 2002 3:10 PM

He would probably know, OS. He is the all-star of ass slurping.

here's an excerpt from his diary on his computer to prove my point:

"I had a dream about my on-line lover last nite. He is sooooo powerfull!
HMMMMMMMMMM, skullflamer, a little lower. Nibble on my nuts you bitch!
I hope Jack treatz me nice today. Oh how I hate him so.

Oh and I have to pick up milk today."

--End excerpt---

I don't know if mooser meant to be intentionally funny. It is 100% pathetic though.

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 9, 2002 5:04 PM

Holy "I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I" Batman!!

"He would probably know, OS. He is the all star of ass slurping"!!!!

I really hope you're having a bad day or something, that was getting stumped if I've ever seen it. Please tell me that you feel terrible for posting that or at least that the boss was walking in and you didn't have time to change it. Something....anything!

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by Moose (moose@dtheatre.com) on July 10, 2002 3:41 AM

Yes, stoopidshemp lives up to his name and hits an all time low!

Congratulations OS, you got Stoopid shemp on his knees in record time. SS went from being UJs bitch to chasing OS with his lips puckered. Kinda makes him a slut doesn't it? Now I know why no-body posts any more, they are too afraid of Stoopid shemp sneaking up behind them with lips extended. But now that threat is over, (as long as OS doesn't sell him).

Well Stoopid Shemp got his thrashing in the end. ..............and they all lived happily ever after!

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 10, 2002 11:30 AM

OS, I post what I do to amuse me--not you. So quit swinging from my long, lusty johnson and do your job.

By the way, since we are comparing notes, I'm self-employed. So I'm the BOSS and the uber-cool dude in charge of my own life.

As for you, mooser could you be anymore of ass-kisser? I love how you ingratiate yourself to anyone who will listen to you. Notice how I don't care and you eat up it up. Most everyone with a true sense about themselves still ignore you, you pathetic piece of sh*t. Even your buddy Skullflamer abandoned you. Get the picture. I own your ass, so that makes my posts even that much more fun for me.

Perhaps I'm partially to blame for the lack of post here too, but you'll notice the increase in hits since I've been here. So face fact and accept that until I showed up on the scene, people weren't posting because of you.

Truth hurts don't it.

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 10, 2002 3:26 PM

Let me just clear up a few things first, Junior. Anyone who talks about their dick this much is clearly trying to make up for their shortcomings and anyone who says they are uber-cool dude in charge of their own life is living in Mom's basement.

And did it take you this long to figure out you were self employed? Wasn't this started a couple of days ago?

Maybe if you would have thought this up yesterday, you wouldn't look like an uber-doofus now.

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by Skullfire (hulacete@ubbi.com) on July 11, 2002 10:22 AM

The only one I abandoned here is you and your stupidity, Stoopid Shemp. I left Moose cause he doesn't need my help to kick your ass.

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 11, 2002 4:08 PM

It's my mom's spare bedroom if you must know.

And since I can't tell if it's really you OS or your homie mooser, then I'll leave you to his Benedict Arnold ways.

And skullflamer, I think you meant to say he doesn't need my help to change my posts to better accomodate his hurt feelings.

You two definatley deserve each other. Enjoy the lovely f*lching sessions this September.

RE: Lone Wolf McShemp reply

Posted by The Original Shemp (Daddy-O@shempsrule.com) on July 11, 2002 7:57 PM

For the record, it was me and don't even think about lumping me in with Moose. I was handing you your punk card on the up & up...changing posts is just being a big f*cking pussy.

Peace out RS, I expect this is the nail in the coffin. You were a worthy adversary...a true dick that didn't back down. I'm not sure if I like you but I gotta give you props for that.

Junior Shemp reply

Posted by Skullfire (hulacete@ubbi.com) on July 11, 2002 9:22 PM

Jealous of me & Moose? Don't worry, you won't end lonely: OS owns your ass.

Tomb Raider II: Cradle of Life reply

Posted by NightHawk (nighthawk235@excite.com) on July 13, 2002 12:22 AM

I tried to find something to reply to in previous posts but gave up. There were several things I did not like about Tomb Raider 1 a) there were at least 3 scenes that were deleted that they should have left in. b) it dragged in a lot of places, got bored. c) Lara with an open coat driving a sled in freezing cold temperatures, while this was great eye candy for the guys it did not make sense. d)they never explained what powered the spears. I like the movie and Jolie did all of her stunts, producer said she did scenes that the stunt people were not able to accomplish. I hope II does show more cleverness and more action. I hope they give both the Butler and puter guru more action scenes also.

Lara Croft reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on July 27, 2002 3:20 PM

I think in the next lara croft, she should have a daughter and they can both save the world...everyone says i look like anjelina jolie, so i would be perfect for that part.

Tomb 2: Go or No go reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on August 2, 2002 3:15 AM

While the first movie had great accomplishments, it did lack in some places and did get quite boring. But, the main action sequences and mystical settings made up for most of them. Tomb 1 made 48 million in its opening weekend and around 250 million worldwide, this was the most any movie based on a female actor has grossed. Lets step into Tomb 2. The Cradle of Life sounds more action filled and more in depth. Less touchy feely and more black and blue ass kicking, which is well, what I and most others have come to expect from the wonderful Lara Croft as well as Angelina Jolie. I am personally glad to see angelina back in action for this movie. She was phoenominal in the first, and the second it would be crazy not to have her. So, I am definantly looking forward to this fresh adventurous movie, as well as seeing Angelina again, kicking ass. So, to finish off, Tomb Raider 2: Cradle of life is a GO, and I shall do that, as well as should many many others.

Angelina Jolie reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on August 14, 2002 3:24 PM

Hey, I think that movie Tomb Raider is GREAT. I love action movies. But this one is my favorite action movie. Angelina Jolie was the perfect woman to fit the part. The way how she flips those guns and everything. I love to do action stuff and watch it. I am never afraid of anything. I bet Angelina Jolie is going to be a lot cooler in the next movie. I can't wait to see it. I watch the tape of Tomb Raider the first movie everyday. That's how much I love it. I hope I'll be like Angelina Jolie someday. And as pretty as her too. If I had the money. I would buy movies of her in it. And maybe also posters too. I am a very big fan of Tomb Raider. And the actress Angelina Jolie. I think that Angelina Jolie is cool.

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on August 15, 2002 8:43 PM

your a very dry homo f*ckin c*nt you damn wanker

RE: Angelina Jolie reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on August 15, 2002 8:55 PM

you wish you looked as preety as her and rich blah! blah! blah! you look like marilnyn manson an osama put together she will always look as preety ass you you dry c*nt know your really wet in your pants.

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by tepes (what.daf@talk21.com) on August 17, 2002 8:56 AM

I totaly agree with you on the subject of Jan De Bont. But I think that TR2 will be better than the 1st one. And when it comes out TR3 will be even better than the 2nd one.

RE: Lara Croft reply

Posted by tepes (what.daf@talk21.com) on August 17, 2002 9:21 AM

Everybody says you look like Angelina Jolie? You f#cking wish. I do hope that you are 12 years old because otherwise there's no excuse for thinking up such a sh#t idea as Lara having a daughter. You bint!

RE: Where's Original Shemp?--who cares! reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on September 6, 2002 1:03 PM

I think this guy is just jalouse that he doesn't have the talent to make movies like Speed and Twister. Jan de Bont is a very good director of action movies and I think the sequel will be better than the first movie! Angelina baby, you're hot !!!!!!!!!

The Script Sucked reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on September 10, 2002 4:50 PM

If you watched the movie, you would obviously put Lara's boyfriend in there, right? I mean, Alex West, was also in the movie so therefore, something has to follow up with their relationship. Besides, where does that guy Chen come from? Whatever. I hope that scipt isn't considered to actually become the sequal.

RE: Angelina Jolie reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on September 12, 2002 12:53 PM

Do you people not have anything better to do that put each other down. Angelina Jolie is overrated anyway. She did a good job, but she is just human. Like everyone else. She is just famous is all.

Tomb Raider 2: Cradle Of Life reply

Posted by movielover1212 (acidburn13697) on April 22, 2003 12:15 PM

I think that the Tomb Raider two movie is most likely to be a realy bad movie has any body seen pictures from the movie? I mean Angelina Jolie looks realy bad.

RE: Angelina Jolie reply

Posted by movielover1212 (acidburn13697) on April 22, 2003 12:28 PM

Hey kid I know how you feel tomb raider was a cool movie but tomb raider two is going to be one of angelina jolie's worst movie have you seen the pictures from the movie? check them out angelina j looks really bad the person who is making the movie should go take lessons from simon west on how to make a tomb raider movie. when he made tomb raider one it was perfect.

Tomb Raider 2 reply

Posted by iamme (QuantOne@aol.com) on July 27, 2003 5:29 PM

What a giant donkey terd! After leaving the theater, I wanted to dive headfirst into a slab of concrete to take my mind off the pain. Watching a blank screen for 2 hours would have been better than this!

This movie has to die.
I want my money back.

Sincerely,
Trice

Tomb Raider 2 reply

Posted by A random shemp (No Email) on September 20, 2003 3:05 PM

Before watching this movie i was exited but then after the shark punch the movie really sucked i want my money back!! Pole vaulting they exagerrated

RE: Lara Croft reply

Posted by Lara Croft (laracroft@charter.net) on November 17, 2003 2:23 PM

uh! yeah right! you nor anyone eles could ever look like Lara Croft! Your idea 4 the new movie is nice. but i would be Prrrrr-fect for that part of being the daughter! NOT YOU!
you probally are semi popular at your school. although i am MEGA popular at my school. ( i used to go to a private school) I am 12 years old you dumb donkey! I am great 4 that part!

RE: Angelina Jolie reply

Posted by Lara Croft (laracroft@charter.net) on November 17, 2003 2:36 PM

OH yeah and i suspect that you think you could do a better job ay? well you cant so just give it up. im the only one who could fit to be Angelina Jolie, oh and capitalize the J would ya? And just 2 let U now Angelina Has a stunt dubble in Tomb Raider 2 and its a man! so in the picture i saw compairing Angelina and the stunt dubble you could so totally see his dick! HIS DICK! ya know BALLS, or penis! eww! and wait till you see Angelina And that russian guy making out! not like a date or anything litteraly having SEX! Im surprised that she dosent have a baby in 9 months! yuo ask again? they were having SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX SEX SEX!!

RE: The Script Sucked reply

Posted by Lara Croft (laracroft@charter.net) on November 17, 2003 2:39 PM

OH YEAH! well the script isnt stupid you are! you fuckin bitch

RE: Tomb Raider 2: Cradle Of Life reply

Posted by Lara Croft (laracroft@charter.net) on November 17, 2003 2:42 PM

yeah well incase you havent heard or seen, her stunt dubble is a man! you can see his dick in one of my pictures!
Shut your ass you bitch!

RE: Tomb Raider 2 reply

Posted by Lara Croft (laracroft@charter.net) on November 17, 2003 2:45 PM

You shut up trice or it will be you whom is gonna die you bitch you fucken bitch!