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-------------------------------------------------------------- This story was printed from dtheatre.com, located at http://www.dtheatre.com/read.php?sid=465. --------------------------------------------------------------
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Column: Y2K Sarcasm By Azad, (DT) December 30, 1999 11:17 AM PT |
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Buzz..?buzz..?buzz..?CRACK.?I think I might have hit that shutdown button a little too hard.?It's still too early in the morning to feel the sting of that hit, but oh well.?The smell of dried saliva and overnight sweat greets me.?I wonder if this daily morning routine will change when the calendar moves onward to 2000.?I hope not.?But if I have to wake up to the sound of gunfire and atom bombs, I still have my trusty beatdown stick under my bed.?But hell, it's all been just media hype so far, hasn't it? I mean, the 21st century doesn't even start until 2001.?So what's all the big fuss? I guess those 3 0's really get attention.?Read my column. |
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There's been a lot of construction going on in the town square in Portland. Big metal frames for seating equipment are setup everywhere. It looks like they are planning to drop the ball here. I guess it will be an interesting event, I mean, when was the last time you saw a massive crowd of people worshipping a giant ball of metal descending from the sky in Portland? At about that time, I will probably be running around with a camera in hand and snapping some shots. What I'm really hoping for though, is that civilization crumbles at that point, and that's when I'll get those Pulitzer winning shots. I can just picture it, all the rednecks from the suburbs driving into the city in their huge pickups, throwing beer cans at people and looting stores for more beer packs. And maybe twinkies too, those are supposed to last through a nuclear blast. I'm not sure what I'll be doing when THIS happens. Maybe I'll just drop my camera and run around executing my Kung Fu moves on people. And believe me, I've been practicing. My arms and legs are sore from sparring with the air. That's right, AIR! The TV is a great educationl tool. Kids, let's all watch violent TV shows and be prepared for the mass hysteria. Buildings will burn and crumble, people will revert to their animal instincts and kill for food, territory and sexual dominance. All inventions will be lost and we will start from scratch with sticks and stones. And those who control fire, get to burn people. Yeah. And better get yourself a crate of twinkies before it's all controlled by road gangs. And with all that, I wish all of you a _________ new year. Oh yes, and do checkout dtheatre.com on January 1st. We got a surprise for all of you. If, we are still alive by then ;) |
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