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Review: KUNG FU HUSTLE (Gong Fu)!! By Junrelya, (DT) February 9, 2005 4:28 PM PT

Sundance is for suckers... ?and Glenn Close. ?My friend sat next to her and couldn't remember if she was in Basic Instinct or Fatal Attraction. ?What's the difference? ?Oh yeah, Bunny Vs. Icepick. I went to Sundance on a whim. ?I was not there to rub elbows with stars, watch the latest flicks, gather as much swag as possible... no. ?In fact, my plan was to ski or snowboard as much as possible. ?When the people I was going with said, "Hey look through the guide and pick out movies you'd like to see," I was like, yeah whatever. ?But I paged through the guide anyway. ?Some good ones popped out immediately like happy endings, mostly because it had a picture of maggie gyllenhall right above it. ?Unfortunately, she played opposite one Tom Arnold, and yes, shudder, there was the sex scene. ?But that's fodder for another review. ?I was not very excited to see any of them, figuring I'd be too tired from skiing all day, but I was excited to see kung fu hustle. ?I'd seen Shaolin Soccer, how could I not want to see this? Stephen Chow's latest, Gong Fu, as it's called yonder side o' the sphere, starts with the setup of the bad guys, the "Axe Gang". ?The Axe Gang rules. they go around and kill people with axes. ?Then they pretend to let the hawt lady scurry off, tears streaming down her face, only to make a small gesture signaling, "give me the shotgun". ?The ladies don't scurry much further. ?As if that wasn't badass enough, they then "do the hustle" after their success. Allright, dancing's over. ?We know these guys mean business with moves like that. ?Let's check out the protaganists' scene: pig sty alley. ?Ah, the wonders of modern living. ?Plenty of gayness here, as if there wasn't enough in happy endings. ?Anyways, the character with the perpetual ass hanging out is good, he has a nice ass. ?I'm ok with that. ?Then there's the tailor: a bit overdone with the fairyness, but you know what? ?this is a stephen Chow flick. ?It don't matta none. ?Plus, wouldn't you know it? ?There's a few people around this place that could kick your ass so hard, your ancestors will die... again. Enter Chow himself, con amigo, the fat guy. ?I love the fat guy. ?I kinda want to hang out and drink tSing Tao with him. ?But I'd do something terrible like shove my chopsticks into my rice, you know, to hold them. ?Then he'd have to kick my ass. ?But, lo, Chow and the fat guy, in this movie, aren't masters. ?Even geeks on the bus beat them up. ?And when they stumble into pig sty alley, looking for a fight, just about everyone there has their way with them. ?Unfortunately, fat guy has an Axe Gang tatoo on his chest, and Chow and him claim to be members. ?Sigh. Here's where the gooder[sic] stuff starts. ?Axe Gang vs. pig sty. ?I have to say, when the first Matrix came out, I liked some of the fight scenes. ?When Crouching Tiger came out, I liked some of the fight scenes. ?when Hero came out, I almost pissed myself during the fight scenes. ?Then I went back and watched some Zatoichi-Dono and Lone-Wolf & Cub. ?For some reason, I'm just not so down with those other fight scenes no more. ?The fight scenes in Kung Fu Hustle are awesome. ?You knew that. ?You knew it was going to be that way. ?The tailor uses what appear to be watered steel shower curtain rings. ? ?SHOWER CURTAIN RINGS. ?Alas, when the local masters are beaten by a pair of musicians, hired by the Axe Gang, who can shoot demons with swords out their double-necked Guqin, it's up to the pig sty matriarch to save the complex. I'm not going to ruin the rest for you. ?Suffice to say, if you've seen Spiderman, the second Matrix, and The Shining, you will laugh at least three times. ?The style and humor are unique and you'd be missing out If you don't give it a chance. ?See it as soon as you can, and do it with friends. ?You will be nearly as cool as me when you see it. ?I didn't even get to go skiing. Editor: Junrelya is our new in-house kung fu reviewer and editor. And yes, he is Japanese so he is obviously at least part ninja and far from responsible for any bad grammar or spellings in his reviews or articles. Fear him, love him.