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-------------------------------------------------------------- This story was printed from dtheatre.com, located at http://www.dtheatre.com/read.php?sid=2349. --------------------------------------------------------------
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Hey JOE HOLLYWOOD! By Charley, (DT) April 19, 2004 2:20 PM PT |
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Hey JOE HOLLYWOOD! ?(Advice celebrities didn?t even know they needed) Hey Sam Raimi: ?Spider-man plus zombies equals the best movie ever. Hey Tyrannosaur: ?You need a new agent. ?You were the star of the Jurassic Park movies and then you have had nothing but crap (i.e. your starring role in The Banger Sisters ). ?Dinosaurs are severely under-represented in Hollywood. Hey Governor Arnold: ?Geet out of poll-ee-tics! ?Geet back ta thee stoo-dee-os! Hey aspiring filmmakers: ?Not going so well, huh? ?Maybe you should make movies that are darker and more artsy. ?Or, better still, movies that are quirky, with more interesting characters. ?Or, better still, you should become a lawyer like your parents wanted. Hey producers: ?Strapped for ideas? ?Need a high-concept celebrity threesome? ?Jason Lee, Jason Scott Lee, and Jennifer Jason Leigh have, surprisingly, never appeared in a movie together. ?I?ll be first in line. Hey George Lucas: ?Your new movies could be better with the simple addition of a few characters. ?"Senator Subtlety" could assume that people watching were sober and spoke English. ?"Captain Climax" might do something exciting somewhere in the movie?maybe near the end? ?And, from now on, "Darth Dumbass" should be forbidden to work on the script. Hey Johnny Depp: ?Don?t you think it?s about time you stop turning my girlfriend on? ?I mean, jeez. |
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